Operation Christmas
by Jinxed-Wood
Summary: Crack!fic and silliness - with Luke, Sarah Jane, Wilf, Sylvia, Donna, Rose, Jackie, Handy, Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Barbara, Ian, Hex, Ace, Martha, Mickey, the Master, the Brig, Harry, the Daleks, and...oh dear... the Doctor.


**OPERATION CHRISTMAS**

Luke loved his Mum, really he did, but sometimes she was a bit odd, even by his standards. "Mum," he said, as she led him out of the house by the hand. "Why do I have to put a coat over my head?"

"Shhh, Luke, not so loudly," his Mum said. He heard the soft click of the passenger door, and felt her hand nudging him into the back seat. "Lie down and keep your head under the coat until I say so."

"But, Mum, tomorrow is Chris--"

"Ah-ah-ah!" his Mum warned. "What have I told you about saying that word?"

"Never before Boxing Day," Luke chanted. "But I thought it was traditional for a family to stay at home at...at...this time."

"Well, different families have different traditions," his Mum said. "And _our_ family is very ...different. Besides, he knows your _name_, now." Luke shivered at the tone of her voice, and stayed silent as she started the engine. She didn't put on the headlights until they were at the end of the street.

"Where are we going, Mum?" he asked eventually, as they turned onto the carriageway.

"Never you mind," his Mum said, mysteriously. "You can sit up now."

Luke sat up on the back seat, and watched as his Mum took off her headscarf and glasses. He frowned in puzzlement. "Mum?" he said. "Has this got anything to do with the D--"

"Don't say it, Luke," Sarah Jane warned. "Whatever you do, don't say the D word."

They sped into the night.

* * *

Hex clutched onto Ace's waist for dear life, and kept his head down, as the bike raced over the bumpy tarmac. "Couldn't we have taken a car, like normal people do?" he shouted, the high breeze whipping his words away.

"Where would the fun be in that?" Ace said, laughing gleefully, as she took another sharp turn on the twisting road, high above a dark and very ominous looking loch. Hex closed his eyes. Maybe he should have stayed at home after all - _despite_ the risk.

* * *

Wilf didn't need to be told twice when he got the phone call. He remembered the _last _time he'd stayed in London at this time of the year. "Right, you get Donna, and I'll start the car," he said to Sylvia.

"Well, I don't know," she grumbled. "If it's not one thing, it's another, and I wouldn't have _any_ problem showing him the door, if he was stupid enough to show up here-"

"But he's not going to show up at the door, is he?" Wilf said, "Coz we're not going to be here."

"She's never going to go along with it-"

The stairs thundered. "Right! I'm ready! Overnight case packed and waiting to go!" Donna said excitably, as she dragged her suitcase down the stairs. "Christmas in a romantic Scottish castle, here I come!"

"Told you," Wilf whispered, as Donna charged through the front door.

"Nobody better let anything slip, that's all I'll say," Sylvia sniffed.

* * *

The Brigadier was waiting outside his house, overnight bag by his side, when the soft topped MG pulled up the drive and stopped. "Hallo, Brig," said a familiar voice through the open window, "I've popped the boot, just throw it in."

Alistair put his luggage in the back and hauled himself into the passenger seat."It's nice to see you too, Harry," he said, dryly.

"Any word, yet?" Harry asked, as he revved the engine.

"Not a whisper," Alistair admitted. "How about your lot at Thames House?"

Harry pulled a face. "No, not a dickybird."

"Well," Alistair sighed. "_That_ can't be good."

* * *

"Do you _have_ to go?"

Rose almost relented as his lower lip began to wibble - it was difficult to say no to the wibble - but she hardened her heart and stepped away from his hug. "I'll be back on Boxing Day, I promise," she said, as she checked the readings on her dimensional canon harness. "_As long as there still **is **a boxing day,_" she added, under her breath, before she looked over her shoulder. "Ready, Mum?"

Jackie looked up from little Jack, who she was cradled in her arms and nodded. "We don't really have any other choice, do we?" she asked.

"Better safe than sorry," Rose said, resignedly.

The Doctor pouted. "I don't know. What's the point of being human now, and all that rubbish, if I still get lumped with all the old Time Lord issues," he complained.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Rose said, as she pressed the button and disappeared with a pop.

"Domestics, eh?" one of the technicians said, sympathetically.

"You don't know the half of it, mate," the Doctor said glumly, as he slunk out of the room. Maybe Pete would be up for a night down at the pub...

* * *

Barbara leaned back in her seat, letting the thrum of the train engine lull her into a doze. She felt him squeeze her fingers. "Nearly there, Babs," Ian said softly."One more trip."

Eyes closed, Barbara smiled.

* * *

"Gun?" Jack barked.

"Check!" Ianto and Gwen said, in unison.

"Retcon pills?"

"Yup," Gwen said, shaking a small bottle.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Booze?"

"Rhys has it stashed in the boot," Ianto piped up.

"Right!" Jack said, with a bright grin, slapping his hands together, "Let's go find us some holiday cheer!"

"You don't think this is all stinks a bit of overkill?" Gwen muttered to Ianto, out of the corner of her mouth.

"Have you read the files? Ianto asked. "Personally, I'd have gone with a secret underground bunker...or another planet."

"Really?" Gwen shrugged. "A castle with room service doesn't sound half that bad, then."

"We got it at a reduced rate, it was a Christmas Spec--"

Ahead of the, Jack shuddered to a halt. "Please, never say those words again," he said, flatly.

* * *

Mickey smirked as Martha's car pulled up beside him. "Took your time," he said. "Where's the ball and chain?"

"Africa," Martha said, "I figured he was safer where he was."

"And the family?"

"Already there," Martha said, "Mum doesn't believe in taking chances."

Mickey threw his rucksack into the backseat, and jumped in. "Onwards, Jones."

"Don't you start," Martha snorted. "Or I'll make you get out and walk."

* * *

Christina eyed the encrypted invitation in her hand. It all seemed a bit cloak and dagger, and surely it couldn't be as bad as they said.

"Will you be staying for dinner, ma'am?" Jenkins asked.

Christina quirked an eyebrow. "No, Jenkins, I think I'll be incommunicado for the next few days."

"I shall I get the car ready?" he called out after her.

Christina grinned over her shoulder. "That's all right, Jenkins, I think I'll take the bus."

* * *

Curious, Luke looked around. A roaring fire was waiting for them when they stepped into the parlour. There were at least thirty people in the room when they arrived, and they were of all ages and kinds.

"Sarah!" a rather plummy voice called out,and his Mum laughed as a man with greying hair and a pinstriped suit shuffled towards them.

"Harry!" she said. "You're looking well."

"You too, old thing," he said, and Mum gave him a half hearted swipe.

"Sarah, looking terrific, as always," a voice drawled, and Captain Jack Harkness was suddenly at his Mum's side, handing her a flute of champagne.

"Trying to get me drunk, Harkness?" Mum asked dryly.

"Would I do such a thing?"

Mum took a sip from the glass. "In a heartbeat," she said.

An elderly lady got to her feet,and pinged her glass with a spoon. "I see quite a few new faces, here," she said. "Sorry we didn't get around to sending you invitations until now, but it was only when Sarah caught up with you all, after the last...incident...that we got a hold of your addresses. My name is Barbara, and I'm..." she took a dramatic pause. "A _Companion!_" Amused laughter filtered through the room, and Barbara smiled. "We all know why we're here, but I'll make a toast anyway - here's to seeing Boxing Day!"

"Boxing Day!" the room chorused, and the grandfather clock chimed loudly, as its gong rang out midnight. It was followed by a moment of absolute silence, as if everyone was holding their breath, and then-"

"Well, that's one obstacle overcome," the Brig announced. "Only twenty four hours to go and-"

"_Merry Christmas, everybody!_" a familiar voice said, from behind them, and Luke felt his Mum's hand clamp tightly down on his shoulder.

"No, it can't be," she said.

Rose threw her hands into the air. "Just one day," she pronounced. "Is that really too much to ask?"

"Don't look at me," Harry muttered. "I didn't say anything."

The Doctor looked rather crestfallen as he stood alone in the entrance, a droopy paper hat crowning his head. "But it's Christmas," he said. "It's a party, and...stuff."

"Oy, who invited this skinny streak of weirdo?" Donna asked sharply. "I thought this castle was supposed to be _exclusive_!"

A voice cackled from the armchair by the fire, and Jack groaned. "Oh no, I recognise that laugh."

"It's happening, isn't it?" his Mum groaned. "No matter how far we travel, it was bound to catch up with us, sooner or later."

"Don't feel so bad," the Master said, getting to his feet. "Some things you just can't fight."

"Well, at least he got rid of that ridiculous goatee," Harry said, philosophically.

"_EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!_"

"Hex, get my bat," said the woman in the bomber jacket. "I'm going to need it."

"Master! You're alive! But there was a body, and everything!" the Doctor said, as he stalked into the room, looking extremely put out.

"Nice _hat_," the Master spat out.

"I say we make a run for the basement" Mickey said quietly, "Let them duke it out amongst themselves."

"You know that's not going to work," Martha sighed. "Any other time of the year we might have had a chance, but today...."

Music began to swell in the background and, puzzled, Luke around him. Where was it coming from?

"Too late, it's got us in its grasp," Jack said.

Luke tugged on his Mum's coat. "Mum, what is it? What's wrong? Is it the Daleks?"

"If only it were that simple," she said, tremulously. "I'm afraid this is something much more dangerous than that, Luke."

"Oh God," Ianto said. "Here it comes!"

"Hit the deck!" Wilf said.

"Ooh, look, I'm back in the titles again!" Rose said.

"It's the Special, darling," Jack said. "We're _all_ in the titles."

And then the music rose to a crescendo, and the credits appeared...

...

....and I'd tell you the rest, but then there'd be spoilers.


End file.
